im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
