my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
