So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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