went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
