Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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