omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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