Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
