The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
