a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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