You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
