I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
