Small penises have feelings too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
