i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
