I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
