all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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