its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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