Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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