Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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