shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
