I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
