I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
