Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
MIDGETS
????
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
