im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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