Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
