i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Randomize
