he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
