He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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