Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
