WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
