I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
