there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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