Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
