i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
