Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
