I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
