then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
