My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
