Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
