"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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