Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
