thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
