what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
