Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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