guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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