Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
