just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
