I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
