the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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