so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
