I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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