Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
